A Loss

So, in August, I discovered I was pregnant.  We were thrilled and excited.  This baby would be due on April 11, 2012.  That would give me THREE April babies.

The pregnancy seemed like it was going to be easier than my past ones.  I had almost no symptoms after about the fifth week.  It’s like the symptoms started up then fizzled out.

I had a doctor’s appointment on the 28th, where it was discovered that the baby did not develop past five weeks.  It was, in fact, indiscernible on the ultrasound screen.  All they could see was a sac where a little, tiny baby should be.

As of today, I’m in the midst of the “natural miscarriage” process.  I’ll spare you any more info.  Just know that it really sucks.

My reason for blogging about this is mostly because I need your prayers.  This loss has hit me hard.  Here is how you can pray.

1.  I am bitterly disappointed.  I very much wanted THIS baby.  The timing was how I wanted it, I was already two months in and I had names chosen and everything.

2.  I am afraid.  I am afraid something will go wrong, preventing me from having that sixth baby that we very much want.

3.  I am physically very, very uncomfortable.  It’s a three to five day process and I’m mostly through day two.  I had NO IDEA it was going to be like this.

4.  I feel guilty because I can’t do for my family like I need to right now.  I am consigned to bed or my chair while this runs its course.

5.  I feel isolated.  This is the main reason I’m blogging about this.  It would help so much to hear other people’s experiences and know that I’m not alone.

A big thank you to Miranda Cullison, Julia West and Aubrey West for all of their help yesterday.  They were awesome in helping with the little kids.