Sometimes, John and I talk about what wretched sinners we are.
It might seem like an odd topic of conversation but I like to think it helps keep us humble. We know that we are not good, that we are simply sinners…that, like Revelation 4 says, we are miserable, wretched, poor, naked, and blind. We need a Saviour.
This morning, I am exhausted. I was up into the night with a sick toddler who really does not get “Throw up on the towel, baby.” and who kicks and flails and has the world’s sharpest elbows. I woke up stiff and achy and as tired as I’d ever been. My bleary eyed husband grimly drank his coffee and gathered his things to go to work. I thanked the LORD that I am a stay at home mom and can be in my jammies all day long if I choose to be.
A four year old comes halfway down the stairs and says, “Mommy, can you come and get me? My legs are still sleepy.” She is peaked looking, glassy eyed and sad faced. She says, “My tummy is really hurting.”
And so begins the marathon of caring for stomach sick babies.
My sister and my Lindsey put their heads together and figure out how all things are going to be handled today, shuffling responsibilities from my hands to theirs.
And now the morning is passing by fairly calm. Claire is napping. Lila is watching Rugrats. I am soothing my backache with a heating pad. And…it’s time to confess…I’m on Facebook.
Not long ago, I said I was taking a Facebook break. I failed.
I have been in talks with my own conscience about whether or not I would bring it up here. And what my conscience and I have finally decided is that I must share my failure with my readers.
I must because, the point of this blog is to walk with other pilgrims on their journey. I have committed in my heart to be real and to be transparent and authentic. I can’t just share my successes and not also my failures. I can’t just talk about my relationships with God and not sometimes acknowledge my own flesh.
The truth about me is that I’m not always strong. I’m not always kind. I’m not always gracious. I don’t always love well. Sometimes, I am judgy and sometimes I am mean and sometimes I am jealous and sometimes I am weak.
All I can say is that I’m trying. I’m trying to let God flow through me and make me strong in my weakness. Today, when I’ve felt overwhelmed, put upon, where I’ve compared….so far, I’ve asked Him for mercies for the day. (It’s only 10:30, but it’s a start. I’ve been up a long time.) I so lovingly appreciate those who are standing with me through the journey. There are not adequate words of love and thanks for those who’ve forgiven me when I’ve needed forgiving, those who’ve called me out when I’ve needed to be called out and those who’ve just helped me stop the bleeding of feelings when I’ve been hurt.
I’m not going to beat myself up about the Facebook thing.
Facebook was a good friend to me this morning.
I was able to solicit prayers for my two little patients.
I was able to thank the ones who are blessing me.
I was able to point out Christlikeness I’m witnessing in a friend.
I was able to ooh and ahh over a friend’s brand new baby. Bella…beautiful.
In a few minutes, I’ll be able to post that I’ve written a new blog or go and see how many “Likes” the Joel2TwentyFive Facebook page has gotten.
Check it out. And pray for this wretched sinner while you’re at it.