I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s really important in life and what I’m really living for.
Lots of things are important, lots of things are urgent…we must work, take care of the house, care for the children, get dinner cooked, finish the laundry, drive this one here and that one there. We must walk the dog, pick up kids from preschool, clean the bathroom, do the homework, get to the doctor’s appointments, pick up the groceries. At the end of the day, we fall into bed exhausted and I wonder sometimes aloud–
Did I do what was important today? Did I do what I enjoy doing today?
Because doing what I want to do, what is enjoyable, is a whole other thing. We want to watch a movie, check Facebook, play Draw Something or Words With Friends, we want to nap, eat Reese’s cups, visit with friends, linger over one more cup of coffee. We want to paint our nails or color our hair or read a magazine. We want to sit in the sun with eyes closed. There are so many things we want to do that don’t necessarily fit in with the urgent.
The days fly by and all I’m doing is rushing around and trying to Get Through The Day.
And I want more than that. I want more than just getting through the day.
I say to John all the time, “It’s another marathon week.” because we have one jillion things planned, scheduled and that urgently needed to be attended to.
But what really matters most?
If you’ve been reading this blog at all, you know that my inner me is under major reconstruction. God is really weeding some crap out of my heart and making me better.
This has been a painful and glorious process.
Since Paw has gone on to the Lord, my heart and my prayers have been fixed on the heritage she’s passed down to us. The heritage of faith and family. On Easter Sunday, my heart almost broke with love for my family, not just my immediate family but aunts, uncles, cousins. I saw unique beauty in each one, I saw Paw in us all. Memories and moments and quirks and strengths and weaknesses of 60 odd people coming together in the most beautiful tapestry that Paw began with her own two hands years and years ago. This is Important. This is Vital. This family is full of love and life and laughter. This family is a good, good gift. And what better way to honor our Paw than to keep it close. Deep inside, I hear a cry, “Do not take this good gift for granted.”
Here is the children singing their hearts out to the Lord in honor of Paw on Easter.
We watched “the Passion of the Christ” on Sunday and I keep seeing Jesus, beaten and bloodied and just made of love and mercy. I want to burn the images into my eyes and on my heart and I don’t want to forget how I feel right now. Because seeing that…remembering Him in that way…it makes all the worries that I worry over, all the stressors that I stress over, all the strivings that I strive for…it makes those things seem almost ridiculous. And while I’m not saying that I should just stop washing the dishes and doing the laundry and only ever read the Bible and I’m not saying that I should never laugh at “Raising Hope” again…I am saying that all the things that make me crazy (or crazier) throughout the day are just almost nothing.
I’m saying that I must examine my life and get rid of the things that hinder love.
And that’s a tall order and it carries enormous implications.
But when I think of Jesus on the cross…when I think of Paw and her faithful, love filled life…I know it’s the next step. He died for my sins and my pain. He died for love. And He didn’t just take too many Ambien and go to sleep…He suffered and struggled and was separated from His Father and descended into hell. He was beaten and bloodied and bruised. And my face was in His heart as He did this. So was yours.
So…all this rushing around…all this stressing and worrying and panicking…all of this must go.
“Therefore, be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.” Ephesians 5:1-2