It’s still a daily battle…combatting negativity.
But it’s a worthwhile one.
This week, there have been quite a few ups and downs. They’ve been extreme. But I’m determined to practice thankfulness, peace, acceptance, trust. I’m determined to reject pessimism, negativity, self pity.
I think I thought that assuming the worst meant I wouldn’t be disappointed but it really poisoned all. When the good did happen, I waited for it to be taken away. I expected it to go wrong at the last moment. My life was colored by gloom and doom and assuming the worst and it didn’t stop the worst from coming.
I have had three miscarriages in my two decades long career of baby making. You always ask yourself…was there something I could’ve done differently? Could I have prepared better? Why did I ever expect it to be okay? With the last one, my doctor said, “Early miscarriages are one of those things. If it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen.”
And isn’t that life? Rain is going to fall. Sometimes a lot of rain is going to fall. Sun is going to shine. Sometimes a lot of sun is going to shine. And we must count it all joy, even the most awful rains. We must because through it all, God guides and is present and He uses all circumstances to our good.
Learning to release negativity, control, self pity…it has changed my day to day life. And it’s being tested just now but I feel an incredible peace. That’s not to say that I’m naive about the possibility of an outcome I don’t want. It’s not to say that I just know my magic genie god will come and save the day and give me exactly what I’ve ordered. It just means that I trust Him to do what is needed. I trust His plan first and foremost. I can rest, because I’m not in control. Really, I’m not qualified to make the plan. I can’t see the end of the story the way that He can.
I can have peace, because I’m not in control. I’ve given the reins to Him. I’m letting Him drive. And there is such freedom in releasing control, in surrender. Freedom in knowing that by being pliable…He can do what He needs to do. Because I’m not fighting Him, He can do some amazing things with me.
And did you know? When we think we’re in control? We’re not really. Who are we to try and control things? To try and orchestrate change.
I have never, ever regretted a choice to be positive in the face of trouble. I’ve never regretted the choice to not respond in anger. I’ve never regretted a choice to be thankful and look for the silver lining instead of wallowing in my poor circumstances. I’ve never regretted a choice to not judge. I fail regularly…I do choose negativity sometimes, I do snap back, I do wallow, I do judge….and that’s where I have regrets.
No one ever says, “I’m really sorry I spent time yesterday listing things I’m thankful for.” Because it’s time and resource well spent.
And the thing that I’m trying poorly to say this morning is that the practice of positivity, of thankfulness changes your regular day to day. When you choose it.
Thankfulness, Obedience, Faith and Positivity are excellent defenses against Discouragement and her friend.
Just try it. Just start the Joy Dare. Read it about it at 1000 Gifts. Give it a week.
If you have already begun…tell me how it’s impacted you!
Today I am thankful for:
*My blooming hydrangea bush
*The crazy things Claire says
*having gone to bed at 10:30 instead of midnight
*My morning coffee
*all of my readers