Do you ever have the sense that you’re just waiting for something to happen?
I am thinking about all the times in my life where I thought, “If only I could lose twenty pounds.” or “If only I could have another baby.” or “If only I could move to a different house.” Or the even bigger things, career things and marriage things and Big Life Stuff things.
We’re praying about some Big Life Stuff right now. Nothing earth shattering. Nothing to be alarmed about, but the direction our live is going, the shape it’ll be taking in the next five years. We’re looking ahead and trying to plan some and I keep feeling this unease. What if we plan too much for the future and we miss out on the now?
Remember Professor Snape? He spent his whole life wishing for this one thing and it never happened.
I know, I know, he’s not real, but it still illustrates my point. Sometimes, I think we run the risk of looking too far ahead and forgetting to be in the now.
Right now, today, I have five children that need things from me. Some more than others, some much less. I have a husband who needs support as he gears up for the school year. I have a household that needs to be run. Meals to plan and cook, places to scrub, laundry to fold. I have a me to tend to. My gray hair is out of control! I need to nurture my soul and take care of my body. And while I’m taking care of me, I’m also taking care of the new life that’s growing.
The school year is beginning and a lot of things will be changing this year. Lila is off to kindergarten and Aubrey begins her senior year. John will no longer be around in the day time and very little in the evening. It’s all an adjustment.
I’m up and about and doing my usual routine but my usual routine has changed and will be changing and I’m having a hard time keeping up.
And in all of this…my spiritual self, my soul is thirsty. It is hungry. It needs to be nurtured too. And I think maybe the busyness and hecticness of my crazy life has gotten in the way. I stop and take a breath and ask for His Presence.
So…yes, we plan for the future. Yes, we ask the Lord about what is to come in the next few years. But we also ask Him about today and tomorrow and the next half an hour. We ask Him what do we do with today. We ask Him for grace for today.