Help Me, Lord

This morning I read on Facebook that my third grade niece’s anxiety was kicking up and she was having a hard morning.  I wanted to call her and tell her, “I totally get it.  Let’s hide from the world and watch Cake Boss all day today.”  But of course, we can’t do that.  I have little ones that need me, a messy house to clean, food to cook, buses to catch, blogs to write and a life to live.  I have a faith to walk out too and some days that is harder than others.

I woke up and my heart was as messy as my bedroom.  Anxiety, stress, worry…all lurking in corners like the laundry piled up.  I had prayed the night before and went to bed peaceful…I don’t know what happened in my sleep to cause that peace to flee.

I worry, I worry about so many things.
I worry about funding for the Good Samaritan orphanage.
I worry about funding our family and our household. Seems like expenses grow but income doesn’t.
I worry about Julia’s safety when she’s not at home.
I worry about the big girls learning to drive- alternating between concerns for their safety and fear that they may never drive.
I worry about how Chase is faring in 10th grade and how his heart is and if he’s sleeping enough. (Mom stuff. I don’t see him everyday so while I know he is well cared for, I still worry.)
I worry about Lila at kindergarten because she’s there all day and I don’t know what’s going on.
I worry about Claire. Will she have tantrums every day for the rest of her life?
I worry about Nora. Will she be born at all? Will she be early? Will she be healthy and whole?
I worry about this pregnancy and hemorrhages and placenta previa and vasa previa and all that those things mean. Will I have to be hospitalized? Will my history of preterm labor become a present day concern?

And I don’t want to worry.  I know what the Lord says about worry.  Who, by worrying can add one hour to her life?  Consider the lilies…the birds of the air…has not your heavenly Father cared for them?  How much more will He care for me?

But sometimes I feel powerless to stop.  And that’s when I relate most to my little niece.  Because it’s like my heart goes back to eight years old and I feel afraid and out of control and even sometimes a little hopeless.  It’s the truth.

When I was in counseling, I told the doctor how I would help my niece.  I told her that I encouraged my niece to ask the Lord for help.  That I encouraged her to keep her gratitude journal.  That I encouraged her to do deep breathing until her stomach would settle and she felt more grounded.  And there have been times when my niece has said those things back to me.

So, today, I will take my own advice.  Even now, while Claire has a tantrum because I won’t let her eat the whole box of doughnuts that Meema brought over yesterday.   Even now, when my heart isn’t in it because it’s all just too much.  Even now, when the words feel hollow as I say them…they are just acts of obedience and my heart will catch up.

Help me Lord.

Thank you, Lord.

Steady my heart, Lord.

7 thoughts on “Help Me, Lord

  1. We are here with Katie at Liberty heading home today this so comforted me. God bless you, your baby is going to be strong and healthy. I am claiming it for you today!

  2. Oh, Cha-Cha,
    There is so much that we share: love of Lindsey and her little boys, writing, God, life and fears. Maybe you’re my soul daughter and I am just now realizing it. The unexplained fears, the struggle to let my faith be stronger than worries, the certain knowledge that God loves me, all mingle and mix at the most unexpected times. But what I know is this: Mr. Evil chooses to visit me when I most often have let go, either a little or alot, of prayer and Bible reading or when I haven’t slept enough. Mr. Evil knows that those are times when I am weaker than usual. And I know…from tons of experience with this…that always, always, God waits for me to return my focus on Him.

    Now, I’m not saying this is your situation. But I know that worries and fears can cripple me, paralzye me, blind me to all the blessings that God in His graciousness provide for me. So, I know that for me I must summon God’s strength for mine and do just as you said. Walk out the door, go to the next room, do whatever is on for the day……and claim His peace even when I don’t feel like it. And never yet has He failed to provide peace….even if for only a few seconds. Even for a few seconds, when that peace comes, my hope is restored. He is with me.

    Because you know who you are and whose you are, you are ahead of Mr. Evil. He can come with his bag of worries and he may scatter them all over and around you. But they will dry and fly away…for our God”s love and protection will always outlast Mr. Eviil’s worries and wrongs. Believe it, live it, wait for it as life goes on and it will happen.

    In His love, Lena

  3. Yes, yes, yes. I was praying as I readied lunches for little ones and picking up toys and such and really had just the sense that I was under spiritual attack. I am planning to spend some time resting in the Lord’s presence at nap time – worship music, the Bible and my thankfulness journal so that I can put these worries aside. They ARE crippling and pervasive and frustrating because they don’t line up with the truths that I KNOW. So, I will dwell on truth this afternoon and start over again after nap time and I will feel comfort in the fact that I’m NOT the only one who struggles with this. And I CAN start over because God is always ready with fresh mercies. Thank you.

  4. You two aren’t the only ones. Since my grandmother died in July, I have been struggling with major anxiety. Letting go and letting God seems like so much futility right now. I try, everyday, to remind myself that discouragement cannot come from Christ. It’s counter to his very nature. I had to stop reading Proverbs because it seemed like I was falling so short of what I should be – and it was increasing my anxiety.

    I’m going to start a gratitude journal (wonderful idea), and keep track of answered prayers better. A little more focus on the positive, a little less on the bad possibilities that so rarely come true, and a LOT more prayer and all things will work together for good. (Well, they will anyway, but it will help me to be reminded of that, and feel like I’m working towards that goal.)

  5. Cha-Cha and Jo,

    One other thing: Our national tendency is to DO…more…better…ahead of time…on time..or at least by when it is expected. Many of our churches encourage the same as well, so we are bombarded with things to do, places to be, goals to meet. And I know that some or alot of this is necessary.

    But this I know: We need time to be with God. Not just to encounter Him or feel His presence or praise Him. We desperately need time to LISTEN TO HIM. So, after you spill your guts to God, listen to music, read the Bible or whatever method you use to encounter God, then sit or lie quietly ( almost impossible I know.. and wait for His response. Ask Him to speak to you….and wait….hopefully, quietly.

    You may or may not get a response immediately or the 2nd time, but I know that at the right time, you will feel his presence, your heart’s center will hear his message and your fears will just melt away….at least for then.

    Find the time to listen…and be reassured that HE listens to us, loves us and will rescue us from the pit…..and that listening to Him is our work. Giving peace is part of His grace, unearned, undeserved and unilaterally available for those of us who love, trust and seek Him.

    In His Love, Lena

  6. I think that is great advice. Waiting on Him, just BEING in His presence…it’s the best medicine. And it’s hard to make that happen in our busy day to day but we MUST. I need to be making daily times for this every day.

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