Since the last time I blogged, a few things have happened. Here are the highlights.
Julia got her driver’s license and now she’s a real grown up. I can check her off of my list. She’s twenty, she has a job, she’s rooted in her faith and now she can drive. She’s a lovely young woman and I’m very proud of the grown up that she has become…but why do I still feel like she’s five years old when I see her driving away? I keep thinking about how when she was a baby and when she was a small child, I was so paranoid about her riding in cars with anyone but me. (I know, I know, but I was nineteen and in a broken place- just so sure I didn’t deserve such a gift as this wonderful little child. I was fearful for a long time about something happening to her. That’s a blog for another time.) Now I must wave good bye as she cheerfully drives away. It’s good and right when they grow up. We celebrate it, but there’s a part of us that grieves. And there’s a part of ME that’s always going to worry.
We went to the pumpkin patch for some fall fun except that it was really, really hot. But it was also really, really fun. I used to do stuff like this with my older kids when they were little. Lila kept saying, “Did we just decide to come here?” as though baffled that it wasn’t a field trip or some official event. Clairey just kept saying, “Punkin patch HOT!”
Aubrey went to her very first high school dance. She looked beautiful and I was remembering the tiny little blonde haired girl who cried every day of preschool…not wanting to be away from me. That little person has turned into an independent, clever, wickedly funny young woman.
And then I said goodbye to my thirties and hello to my forties! Yep, it’s happened. I’m a real grown up now too. I had a wonderful birthday with family and friends. My sister and Zia made this beautiful board (Aubrey said it was a science fair project about me.) with pictures from ALL of my forty years and words that my family and friends used to describe me. Humbling. Honoring. It made me cry. I could only read two or three at a time. I am loved so well.
More celebrating the next day at my mom and dad’s and we just counted ourselves very, very blessed.
And I think what I’ve figured out over the past couple or few weeks is this:
There are two constants in life. One is God. The other is that things are always changing.
I got thinking about how different forty looks for me than thirty. How different thirty looked than twenty! I’m in a place I didn’t know existed, living a life I never could’ve imagined at thirty. I want to go back and tell thirty year old me to hang in there, that it does get better and that God stays the same the whole way through.
Tomorrow, I’m going to be writing a post with an important announcement in it. Our life here is about to change and we hope that change moves the world. We’re stepping up our world changing efforts and I don’t want you to miss out on it. Check back tomorrow, because I have some bold questions for you!