A Different Kind of Chaos

For eight days, this has been my home.

I’ve left this room one time only and that was to have an MRI, which was not a fun experience but is a funny story.  At least, it seems funny now.  I’ll tell it to you if you come and see me.

I haven’t been outside in eight days.  I have woken up and gone to sleep here, in my cozy hospital room and some days I’ve been lonely and scared and weepy and some days I’ve been resilient and brave and ready to take on the world.  Some days I’ve been both.

And the thing is?  This is just the beginning of the journey.

We are now aiming for between 32 and 34 weeks for delivery.  So, the soonest Nora will have her birthday is December 6 and the latest she will have her birthday is December 20.  And after that, I’ll be recovering from the c-section, the hysterectomy and maybe a little bladder surgery.  And after that day, I’ll have a preemie baby who will need different things from me than a full term baby would have.

This past week…just the beginning.

And I’m not discouraged, I just kind of woke up tired today.  It’s Sunday, my favorite day and I’m thinking about how I would usually be headed to Kid Kraze right now to serve the children…thinking about how I miss them and miss the energy and the excitement and their wide eyes as they learn about Jesus.  On Sunday, we hang out together at my parents’ or at home or out and about and I miss them.  I miss my family.  In the evening, we all go to church together, have dinner around the table and have our Bible study.  They will still do that evening stuff…and I’m so glad they will…but I miss them.  

This morning, John is bringing the whole crew up here to see me and I’m really, really grateful.  I’m used to noise- kids arguing, kids laughing, things spilling, dog barking, someone running up and down the stairs, conversations and discussions and singing, puns and jokes and people trying on different dialects…it all mixes up and turns into the glorious chaos that’s like a blanket wrapped around me.

Here, it is noisy but it’s different.  The noise is outside of my room and parts of the day I pass by myself, tv on quiet or music playing quiet while I read or crochet or…read or crochet.  Things are happening here but it’s not my chaos.  Not the chaos I am used to.

Not home at all.

But it is where God has me right now.  And so, I will hang in there.  I will take it one day at a time and let the joy of the Lord be my strength.  I will rely on the mercies that are new every morning.  I will stop to be grateful for every little milestone met, every kind word and every favor done for us.

He is good.  He is with me.

November 14
I am so grateful for visitors.

November 15
I am grateful for reaching 29 weeks.

November 16
I am grateful for all these pretty fall flowers that I’ve been given.

November 17
I am thankful for Zia’s birthday…because I just love her!

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