Some of my favorite lady bloggers are my favorites because they don’t mind sharing their weaknesses. Glennon over at Momastery is doing a series right now called “Sacred/Scared” where women are being gut level honest about their fears. Letting us in to see their truth. To show that we are not the only ones who are afraid.
Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience shared a post in early February called “Why Weak is the New Strong” and she told the truth about her weakness. We women nodded in agreement and we said, “Yes, I have been there.”
My friends Jen and Ann are both walking through a very rocky valley and they don’t mind saying, “This is hard. It sucks. I’m having a really hard time.” They speak the truth and that is where their strength comes from.
And now I am walking into an epiphany.
Somewhere along the way, my heart twisted positive thinking and pulling myself up by the boot straps as the only real strength. But now I am learning…authentic emotion, being willing to wade through where I really am, being weak is the only real strength.
How many times have we heard it said, “My power is made perfect in your weakness.” But do we let Him in to make His power perfect? Do we break down who we are and where we are and what we’re going through and do we cry out, “God, I can’t do this.” so that He can bring real, true strength?
I am slowly learning. Slooooowly learning.
There is no virtue in my stuffing feelings down and being “strong”. It just creates a prison.
Yesterday, I saw this on Glennon’s facebook page and I could not stop thinking about it all day long.
How true is this? We are all going through something! Whether it be a dying relative or kids puking at 2am, we are all going through hard things.
I humbly offer that sometimes we think our hard things aren’t “enough” to warrant feeling our way through them. That maybe we think we just shouldn’t sweat it because someone always has it worse. Or maybe we think that if we throw enough Scripture and platitude at the problem, it will lose its power.
Sometimes I make people uncomfortable when I talk about how much I wish Nora’s twin was with us. I have a deep ache for that baby, a grief that is renewed with every new thing Nora does. She has learned to walk and I can’t help but envision another baby taking first steps too. Yesterday, she gathered up all of the remotes and gave them to Aubrey, who did not need them and I wondered what kind of quirky stuff Asher would’ve done. I think about that baby a lot. And I am learning to let myself grieve him…as it comes, in waves.
But well-meaning and beloved ones want to make it okay for me. They want to come up with reasons why it’s a blessing and God knows best and He works all things together for my good. They don’t want me to feel sad and the heart behind it is so pure and there is comfort in loved ones wanting to ease my pain. I don’t mean to discredit these well meaning words.
But, when someone will just stand in my pain with me, hold my arms up, say, “Yes. It is so sad that Asher isn’t growing up with Nora.” or even just, “I’m sorry.” Without a but or a qualifier or an admonition to trust God and it’ll be okay…There are not enough words to describe how that heals.
Because the truth of it all is…being honest about how we feel does not disqualify those other truths. I can be so sad about Asher, but God can still be good. God does know best. And He does work all things together for my good. But He can also handle my grief and tears. He can swoop in and in that place where I am being real, authentic and truly vulnerable, he can heal my heart. Grieving a loss does not negate the good God has given me.
He can work with me when I’m not busy maintaining a shell of “strength”.
He can heal my heart when I’m not busy building a shell of positivity over it.
He can work with me, in that place of authentic vulnerability and it is so uncomfortable but so worth it.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are they that mourn…