Just Bring It, November 18th.

It is true that I don’t blog as much as I used to.  There are a handful of reasons:

1. I am unspeakably and ridiculously busy. Daycare, my own family, care of the home, baking, cooking, preparing, errands, school stuff, DoTerra business, crafting, friends and family…there is little time for introspection and writing. Besides, it’s hard to type with children in your lap.
2. I am working through things on the fly. Instead of processing through blogging, the pace of life means that I am processing as I wash dishes, drive to preschool, the space between services at church, as I drift off to sleep.
3. I am not in my chair as much I used to be. I am a true Emerson, go-go-going. I like busy, I like active, I like people and bustling around and doing. I am feeling So Much Better and it is such a Dramatic Difference that I just don’t sit if I can help it. That means less time for writing. It’s the best of the reasons.
4. Here is the worst, or maybe just my least favorite reason. I am in a desert place with God. These are normal, common to the Christian experience, but no fun. I seek and I find, but it is an effort and I feel my relationship with God changing. My revelation of Him changing. Someone said to me recently that you can not receive comfort without the desert place, without the wilderness and here am I.  There’s just not that much to say right now…but I know that there will be.

But today, I have to blog. Because today is Nora’s second birthday. If you’re new to the story, you can catch up by reading literally all of 2012…but especially here and from 2013, here.  Even if only to say, again, thank you to all of you because you have stood with us through it all.

My first meeting with Nora

We’ve come a long way, Nora and I.

Last year, at one year old!

At one year old

In September

Just in September

I’m grateful.

I’m grateful that one day we will be together in heaven with all who have gone before us, AC whose birthday Nora shares…AC would’ve gotten such a kick out of that.

shads

And Nora’s twin, Asher.

twins

I’m grateful for all the life we have lived in these two years- we have laughed and cried and laughed some more. We have asked why and we have said that it doesn’t matter why.  We have struggled and we have soared…but most of all…we are here.

Nora

Nora is a joy and a light.  Tenacious and smart, stubborn and mischievous.  She is worth every tear, every ache and pain, every stitch, every drop of blood that fell, every single thing that happened.

Family

I’m just so grateful.

So yes, bring it on, November 18th. Tears will flow today because it still takes me by surprise.  I almost died.  I had a baby eleven weeks early.  Nora had a twin and he is not here.  Tears are okay.  Grief is okay.  Gratitude is okay.  Joy is okay.  And having all of those feelings at once…it’s more than okay.  All woven together…they make something beautiful and bigger than us.  Something with God’s fingerprints all over it.

2tim417

He was with me then.  He is with me now.

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6 thoughts on “Just Bring It, November 18th.

  1. Lena Epps Brooker says:

    Dear Cha Cha,
    Yes, all of the emotions are there. And all of your family is there, in body and/or spirit. Most importantly,, God is with each of you. Has been and always will be…even in the desert.

    I wonder about the statement of the requirement of being in the desert before comfort comes. Perhaps. But of this I am certain. There is much to learn in the desert. Hard things such as total trust, complete hope and living patiently. None of these are on my preferred list of life lessons but obviously, I have needed refreshers and God has sent me to the desert more times than I care to count.

    After such times, I am amazed at how very clearly it was needed. My understanding of the nature of God has always changed after desert time. Sometimes in big ways…even to the point of my discarding previously “held close to me beliefs” Other times it is a simple recognition of who and where He is relative to me others.

    Just keep your faith…live with love…and be prepared for change. There is an oasis waiting….more of HIM…after this dry period waiting and wondering. Love, Lena

    • joel2twentyfive says:

      I feel like the desert/wilderness times are always a preparation for a big breakthrough. Things that we learn without even realizing we are learning them. I’m learning to be still in the desert and just wait expectantly. Hard lesson but indescribably valuable.
      I always love your words to me and always look forward to hearing from you on my blog.
      You and I are kindred spirits.
      Love,
      ChaCha

      • Lena Epps Brooker says:

        Being in a spiritual desert can be lonely sometimes. Many dont travel there. I’m glad to know another kindred spirit who makes this journey…ready or not. HE will never leave you or me no matter what the Evil one whispers. Trust…and then obey. Walk in His peace…

  2. Millie Carlson says:

    I cannot believe it has been two years! I was looking through pictures and found one I’d taken of your thank you card with your blog address on it. Thank you for your words of faith and strength. I remember caring for Nora on her first days of life, coming down to meet you in the ICU. Always so positive. You all look wonderful, and it is so fun to see Nora growing up! I am thankful I’ve had the pleasure of knowing such a family as yours! God bless!
    Millie Carlson, RN

    • joel2twentyfive says:

      MILLIE!!! We have always talked about you and what a blessing you were to our family! I can’t imagine how many babies you’ve cared for in TWO years! You would not believe this crazy child now. She is so big and so wild! John and I wish you all the best and all the love in the world! Take care and keep in touch!! Love, Chris

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