It is true that I don’t blog as much as I used to. There are a handful of reasons:
1. I am unspeakably and ridiculously busy. Daycare, my own family, care of the home, baking, cooking, preparing, errands, school stuff, DoTerra business, crafting, friends and family…there is little time for introspection and writing. Besides, it’s hard to type with children in your lap.
2. I am working through things on the fly. Instead of processing through blogging, the pace of life means that I am processing as I wash dishes, drive to preschool, the space between services at church, as I drift off to sleep.
3. I am not in my chair as much I used to be. I am a true Emerson, go-go-going. I like busy, I like active, I like people and bustling around and doing. I am feeling So Much Better and it is such a Dramatic Difference that I just don’t sit if I can help it. That means less time for writing. It’s the best of the reasons.
4. Here is the worst, or maybe just my least favorite reason. I am in a desert place with God. These are normal, common to the Christian experience, but no fun. I seek and I find, but it is an effort and I feel my relationship with God changing. My revelation of Him changing. Someone said to me recently that you can not receive comfort without the desert place, without the wilderness and here am I. There’s just not that much to say right now…but I know that there will be.
But today, I have to blog. Because today is Nora’s second birthday. If you’re new to the story, you can catch up by reading literally all of 2012…but especially here and from 2013, here. Even if only to say, again, thank you to all of you because you have stood with us through it all.
We’ve come a long way, Nora and I.
At one year old
Just in September
I’m grateful that one day we will be together in heaven with all who have gone before us, AC whose birthday Nora shares…AC would’ve gotten such a kick out of that.
And Nora’s twin, Asher.
I’m grateful for all the life we have lived in these two years- we have laughed and cried and laughed some more. We have asked why and we have said that it doesn’t matter why. We have struggled and we have soared…but most of all…we are here.
Nora is a joy and a light. Tenacious and smart, stubborn and mischievous. She is worth every tear, every ache and pain, every stitch, every drop of blood that fell, every single thing that happened.
I’m just so grateful.
So yes, bring it on, November 18th. Tears will flow today because it still takes me by surprise. I almost died. I had a baby eleven weeks early. Nora had a twin and he is not here. Tears are okay. Grief is okay. Gratitude is okay. Joy is okay. And having all of those feelings at once…it’s more than okay. All woven together…they make something beautiful and bigger than us. Something with God’s fingerprints all over it.
He was with me then. He is with me now.