I know this statement meets with mixed reviews. Some will say it’s a cop out- a way to be rude without being rude. Some will say it’s giving up. Some will say it’s lazy.
But I say this…there is something holy in accepting where you are.
I’m in a place of acceptance about fibromyalgia.
Fibromyalgia steals hours from me. Days from me. Experiences from me. Fibromyalgia is forcing me to change who I am. It’s forcing me to reshape my day to day life.
It is what it is.
There are things I’ve found that help. Yoga, walks, good rest. Essential Oils.
But sometimes…I just have pain.
Pain that makes no sense. Pain that debilitates. Pain that forces me to triage the needs and wants of my family, of myself and pick and choose those things that are truly important.
I’m realizing the truth here.
I have to let fibromyalgia be heard because it is what it is. It’s going to steal time from me, whether I make space for it or not. But if I make space for it…there is so much less stress and striving.
If I shrink my world down…If I carve out margin…If I just schedule time for rest and stillness…then fibro doesn’t win.
Turns out, there are just hours that I need to spend in the chair of healing, Bible open, paints nearby, markers, pens and pencils and crayons…I spend these hours in the Word or with my eyes closed. These have been holy hours.
So…I’m not losing out on life. I’m gaining Him. It is what it is. And I could turn it into hours that I cry for what I can’t do. I could turn into hours that I feel guilty and ashamed for all that I can’t accomplish. I could turn it into hours where I’m filled with resentment and self pity and grief. And yes, sometimes all of that and more….
But I count it as gain when I spend these hours like Mary at the feet of Jesus. Choosing the better thing. It will not be taken from me.
These hours spent with the One who made me and who holds my health in His hands are sacred. They are a gift.
It is what it is.